Fathering Magazine

Let's call it the American Mothers' Industrial Complex. It is the endless array of products, books, magazines and propaganda directed at the modern day mother to get her to go into more debt than she's ever seen simply based on the fear that she is in fact her own worst fear... she is a bad mother. Now, some might say this is really the American PARENTS Industrial Complex, but I disagree. You see, I am an American Dad. I have read browsed looked at pretended to look at such amazing titles as What to Expect When You're Expecting, What to Eat When You're Expecting, The Baby Book, Birthing From Within, Potty Training Boys, and of course The Sears Baby Book. (And no, that is not the long-form of the SEARS catalog. Let me tell you, that would be a huge improvement. Around our house we heretically call it "The Bible.") And in all of my reading book-collecting I have realized one thing, there are no "parents" in America. There are moms.

Now before my shiny new blog gets egged (What's the e-version of egged?) by the millions of self-assured mothers out there, let me say once and for all, "You are wonderful." No, really. I'm serious. You're fantastic. And we don't say it enough. You're the best. And you don't have to read every book or browse every magazine to prove that you are not your mother. We know you're not your mother, and trust us we, the American Dads, are thankful for it. But I learned something very early on as a parent in this here 21st century. "Parents" is a euphamism for "Moms."

Three years ago when I was a brand new Dad, I thought to myself, "Nick, you are going to do this right. No more screwing up!" So, I set out to be a knowledgeable parent. And like every parent I started in the most logical place: using Parenting magazine as toilet reading. The first couple articles I didn't pay any heed, but as I was about 3 or 4 articles in, something began to get to me. The articles were all written to "parents" but the pronoun in EVERY article was feminine. It was always "she." It didn't take long before I was noticing it everywhere. Not just the pronoun usage but how the entire culture of parenting in America in my generation was focused around mothers.

I'm sure I will have some social/political rant at some point in this blog as to what kind of craziness started this and I'm sure that said rant will include multiple references to liberating women only to enslave them to a culture of expectation and fear, but THIS POST, this post my friends, is warmer and cheerier than that. This post is a happy introduction a glad little tongue-in-cheek homage the sperm-supplying, barf-bagging, catch-playing, home-too-late, tired-too-much, failing-more-than-we-should other sex. This post about Dads. It is for us, the begrudging Mad Men who somehow find ourselves unwinding the dual income households of our parents. We are the wage-earners (barf), bacon-bringers (yikes), pressure-cooked XY-chromosomed, chubby-around-the-edges men who have no magazine of our own. Welcome to Fathering Magazine, readership 1.

Come on, people, you've gotta start somewhere.

I have always wanted to be a dad, but I never knew how. Most days I'm making it up as I go and to be honest I make more mistakes than not. Following me always is the silent ghost of my father, who died to young and taught me only by example. I'm building this plane while I'm flying it people, and I think most of my man-friends are the same. I'm calling you out "Parenting" magazine. I've got your number "Parent-Teacher Conferences." Consider yourself on watch "Young Family's Group." We're on to you, and we know that most of the time people think we'd be better off keeping our suits on and staying at work a little longer.

I'm starting a Movement. I'm calling it Occupy Parenting. Because "parent" is a role my kids need in two varieties. Not just a mom and mom-stand-in. We are the 50%. And we Dads will be Occupying the parenting whether you invited us to or not.

But we would rather not attend the breastfeeding class. Thank you.